Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Please kick this soapbox out from under me!

I'm in a ranting and raving kind of mood. You don't know me very well, so it's hard for to realize that this isn't the norm for me. I'm typically very mellow, non confrontational, patient and easy going. The last couple days, I havn't felt that way. Everything and everyone is agitating me in some way or another. I have been just plain cranky.

First we'll start with my friend Mary (not her real name), I accidentally stumbled upon her blog, which I didn't even know she had. I'll give you a little background on our relationship. She used to work for an organization that Brandon was part of. Believe it or not she was my family advocate. Her position was terminated with them and we remained in touch. She has a disabled child also, so we really connected with that common ground. I felt that I could trust her and she trust me, you know, a friendship. She then became my after school babysitter for Brandon. She would lie to her husband to stay later to get away from her home life (her husband wouldn't let her do anything, but he's his own Oprah show). He had trouble finding work, so they packed up and moved to Oregon (state changed). The more she shared of herself, the more I wanted to help her and her son Bob (name also changed). Through research I was doing for Brandon about different things that may lessen his condition, I always thought of Bob. I would email her articles about his medication, treatments, and his condition. I would call her and tell her different things I would find out, she would tell me her husband Horace (name changed) wouldn't let her buy supplements. I offered to purchase them for her if she would be committed. And so on and so forth. I feel that I really did have their best interest in mind, I know that I come across weird to other people, so I understand her scepticism to try something different. Was Horace really that controlling and messed up? I don't know, I just know what she tells me about him. Was she just using him to get her point across? I can't tell you. So there is the background in a nutshell. Now fast forward to present day-ish. Mary came down for vacation with Horace, Bob, and her daughter Edith (name changed). She came to the house with the kids. My son was being mean, calling Bob "evil" and "weird". I asked him to not say those names, that it wasn't nice. He told me he "hated" Bob. I choose to pick my battle. Mary didn't seem upset by the situation, so I ignored his negative behavior. This will usually prevent a full blown melt down, give him time to process, re group, and act like a human once again. Nothing was said, like I said, we both have disabled kids, so we understand these things. Brandon can't control his behavior anymore than Bob can. Mary suggested we go out to dinner, I said that was fine as long as you don't mind Brandon's name calling, let's go to Dennys after I get out of work. So that was that, we went to Denny's we at our dinner we went our separate ways. That weekend we went to the water park, we had a great time. It started raining, so we took cover. I foolishly choose behind the ice cream cart and that caused quite a giant ruckus. Mary wanted to wait out the rain, I was ready to go before Brandon escalated. We waited an hour. maybe more and then got rain checks for next time. I took her out to dinner and we had a nice time. That was that! Well apparently that's not how she felt, but she didn't say one word to me otherwise. I find the blog she wrote about those events, I read it and a shook all over, my heart was pounding, I was sweating. My one ally in this battle is now gone. It hurt. It hurt because I thought we were on the same page, and the she understood, really understood because she goes through it just like I do. I thought there was some kind of un written rule. I never judged her kid, so she wouldn't judge mine. So although this ranting and raving isn't all about Brandon, is it in a way. With my friend gone, she took that little piece of sanity I had, the one that told me I wasn't alone.

2 comments:

Amber DBTD said...

I'm sure "Mary" would have apologized and taken any offensive comments down if you'd said something about it...

We all need to rant sometimes, when we're stressed out. You know I love Brandon. That's why I didn't say anything, because I know he has his issues. You do have to understand that sometimes things do hurt though, and despite wanting to understand and laugh it off, it's hard to do that. I felt that it wasn't something I needed to say, rather to just let off my own steam (which works well for me)

99% of what I wrote was about how much fun we had, even with the trouble behind the ice cream truck thing.

If it makes a difference, nothing I posted was intended to insult or offend, and I'm sorry if it did. Most people who know me are aware that everything and everyone will at some point end up in a blog post. Usually it's Jaymes, and I think you know that if Jaymes had been there behind that ice cream thing, the tantrum would have made Brandon's look like nothing at all.

I guess I find it easier to ignore the little things other kids say and do to make Jaymes feel like a freak, but when it's flat out name calling I get that sick feeling.

I apologize for posting about it, and obviously it's completely up to you if that is enough to end a friendship over. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry for that. You'd have gotten an apology sooner if I'd known about it.

Either way, my feelings for you, Rick, Brandon, and Kaylin remain the same.

Amber DBTD said...

(added because stupid blogger posted for me before I was done)

I wish I had known sooner that I had hurt your feelings. You're about the only person in FL that I give a crap about, and the only person I'd suffer through the 11 hour drive to see.

I hope you know that even if you feel like my mistake has made it impossible for you to be my friend, you'll never be alone in your struggle with Brandon. I can't help you obviously, but I am always here to listen and support you. One mistake doesn'terase how much I have and do care for all of you.

It sounds like Brandon is doing better. And that you got a diagnosis finally. That's awesome, and I hope he continues to improve. He is such a smart, sweet, funny little guy and I know that he'll be much happier with some of his behaviors under control. It's just as hard for our kids as it is for us.