People Suck

I've decided that sometimes people suck. You all know that my grandmother died, and that I've taken 3 days bereavement (which is outlined in our company manual-3 days paid bereavement for immediate family) well apparently certain people, mainly person, feels that is inappropriate because it interferes with their time off. I'm not saying that that person does not deserve their time off, they do, just as I am to my 3 days bereavement. What I am saying is you should not hold it against me, or ignore, or treat me any differently. Agree? Well you should, it makes sense. I don't think I should feel guilty, and I do. I feel like I'm letting my team down, as they are making me feel that way with their comments. Only Janice and Casey are making me feel alright about it, which I'm grateful for, otherwise today would have been unbearable.

In other news, Brandon is on his new meds and I can't wait for it to build up in his system. Hopefully we will see some benefits VERY soon. Him without Risperdal is not a pretty picture.

Tomorrow I have off. At 8 Brandon has his MRI of his eyes, then Rick will take him to school since he works in Venice tomorrow. Then I pick up my mom and we go shopping for the reception, then I go home and clean until Brandon gets out of school. I will pick him up tomorrow and take him to the Florida Center to get some OT tips from Claire. I hope I will get most of the house deep cleaned for company. I can't even take a day off without trying to stuff as many things into as I can. What is wrong with me?

Sunday, Sunday..

Sunday I didn't get to sleep in. The door bell woke me up, it was Brandon's friends mom pickup up her son, at 8:30. The nice thing about getting woken up with goo still in my eyes, having Don King hair, is she offered to take Brandon for a few hours. I decided to run errands, since I have been on a mad search for peach tablecloths, plates, cups, and napkins. Well apparently the world isn't ready for peach tableware. First I went to Walmart, if they don't have it, you don't need it, right? Well they didn't have them, and after speaking with my mother, we do in fact HAVE to have peach. I tried Dollar General, Dollar Tree, and LTM Party Supply. No frickin peach. I did by other stuff I needed and it was really nice to go shopping all by myself. After my useless errand running I stopped at the pharmacy to fight with them about Brandon's medicine, since that's what I normally have to do with a new script. Well, wouldn't ya know, there were rainbows and unicorns at Walgreens today. They filled his Invega, billed his new insurance, and that was it. Is was so easy! I was so used to fighting insurance companies and pharmacies and calling doctor's offices to get this kid his meds, and now I don't have to. What will I do with all my free time now? This is all because he's got the SSI disability and medicaid. I picked Brandon up at his friends house, brought him home. He immediately laid on the floor, covering himself up with a blanket and fell asleep for 2 1/2 hours. I guess he was tired! While he was sleeping I went on line to look for peach tableware, and found them on a site, of course I had to pay for express shipping. That is now done, I just pray they get here on time. I took a nap, made dinner, went to my moms house to put sheets on the beds, and talked to my dad in New York on the phone.

On a different subject, a friend of mine who got me blogging by reading her blog, is having a hard time with life. Her daughter is sick and she left her nutbag husband. I left a comment on her other blog about what I thought and hopefully she will take it to heart. I told her before to leave him. He's not right in the head. So I wish her strength, courage, and stability in her upcoming battle with life and the bullshit it can provide.

Friday night Kaylin had a friend spend the night. We went to Perkins cuz kids eat free :0) and I wanted to go out to eat. We got a bonus at work in celebration of customer service week. Works for me! They did alot of cute things at work this past week. Monday morning the told us to wear team jerseys and had a continental breakfast for us all. On our desks were coffee mugs and nice sayings. Tuesday we had buttons and trail mix. Wednesday candy, noise putty, and a pen. Thursday we had a stress ball which was pretty cool. Friday they had the closing ceremony which they announced the winners of the contests they had throughout the week. At the very end we told we got bonus checks. Saturday morning Kaylin had her soccer game which her friend came with us, afterwards we went to the Dollar Tree and they each got to spend five bucks on what ever they wanted. Oh yeah, the Killer Bees won 3-2. Kaylin needs to try alot harder to play soccer and not be scared of the ball. Her friends mom picked her up this afternoon and Brandon's friend Vincent came over with his mother for dinner, he ended up spending the night. Now they are watching Madagascar playing super heroes.

Tomorrow we will see. I think I will try to go out alone to Walmart and the Dollar General, maybe LTM Party supply to get things we need for the memorial service. I'm suppose to get peach tableclothes, plates, cups, napkins, find the instrumental Titanic soundtrack. and make a liliac and ivy memorial wreath. I also need to go to my moms and get the sheets in the house, bring them home, wash, dry, and make the beds. I really want to get some housework done, although I got a good amount done today. I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor, did laundry, changed the cat litter, and did dishes. I'm really tired of my house being in the shape it's in. It's dirty, cluttered, and unorganized, plus stuff needs to be fixed. I work everyday and am torn between homework, dinner, baths, soccer practice, laundry, kids, and trying to make everything work, I just can't seem to make the Martha Stewart thing work for me. Damn that bitch for setting womens standards so high, who can compete with that!

Ramblings and such

Well, my grandmother passed away after a painful battle with cancer. It started a couple years ago. They discovered she has uterine, ovarian, cervical, and vulva cancer. All you women out there, or those of you who know women if your men--Get a fucking papsmere. Don't have insurance? Go to the health department and they will put you on a sliding scale. It's not that hard and should be a priority. Sorry about that, need to be said though. Back to my ramblings... She had to have everything taken out and reconstructed so she could pee again. A very painful recovery, but she got through it. My mom went up to Tennessee and cared for her surgical sights (she has been an RN for over 25 years) and when all was well, came back home. Well the cancer came back, in her lymph nodes, and lungs, and everywhere, and she got a blood clot. It was inoperable and chemo may have helped drain her lymph nodes to bring down her leg so the clot could dissolve. She said no, and laid in her bed awaiting death. It did not come right away, she held on for most of this year, slowly getting worse. Then my aunt Jenny called and said she was getting close and my mom flew to Tennessee. She got to care for her in her final days, and give Aunt Jenny some much needed respite. She was there when she passed. Grandma was cremated and returned to my mom and Aunt Jenny today. They are all going to drive down here and have a memorial service with a reception following the church memorial at my moms. I am taking 3 days bereavement from my job. I'll take Wednesday the 15th, Friday the 17th (also baby squirrel's birthday) and Monday the 20th. My team leader was not so nice about it, but I am entitled and have the right to be with my family during this trying time.

Yesterday I took Brandon to his monthly doctor Hubbard appointment. She is so proud of his progress and now that he has straight medicaid she thinks they will cover the Invega so we are going to take him of the Risperdal. He gained 13 pounds in a little more than 3 months. We all agreed that the benefits of the Risperdal were to great to take him off of, since Staywell wouldn't cover the Invega. Invega is in the same family, but without the side effect of weight gain. He also won't have to take it several times a day, only once since it is long lasting.

I will end with this...

There is no remedy for love but to love more.
Henry David Thoureau
1817-1862

I would like to ask if anyone is reading this, if they could please leave a comment or suggestion so I know that I am not as alone as I feel.

Filling in the blanks, and some sad news

We went to Rick's friend Frank's house Friday night, we had allot of fun, ate some hot dogs, kids swam and played and we headed home. Brandon and Kaylin were awesome. Saturday morning was Kaylin's first soccer game. Her dad came and cheered her on. She did pretty good, but held back allot. I think she was worried about how she looked and worried about messing up. I told her I'd rather see her try and mess up, than not try at all because of fear. She was crying when we left the parking lot, I let her go to her dad for comfort, I figured it was important for him to nurture that side of things. He bought her a ball this weekend, so she can practice. Her dad game me all call later and asked me if it was okay if she went in his friends little airplane, I told him I trust his judgement and it was fine with me. After the soccer game Brandon and I went to Walmart, gas station, bank, and pet store. When we came home I laid down and took a nap, when I woke up I got ready for Heather's house warming party and Rick dropped me off. I had a nice time at the housewarming. One of the girls I work with made a total ass out of herself and has been very quiet at work. Sunday Brandon, Rick and I went fishing. We caught 3 keeper snappers and a bunch of little snappers. Pat and Tori came over for dinner and I didn't feel good so I vegged out. We had deer ribs, chicken, steak, au gratin potatoes, and green beans. Kaylin came home from her dads in time for dinner and we had quite an uneventful evening. After company left I passed out, dead tired. Monday Kaylin had soccer practice, in the pouring rain. Brandon had quite a rough evening, trying his hardest to drive me bonkers, so I asked Rick to stay with him while I took Kaylin to practice. I very much needed a break. I grabbed a pink chair, camo umbrella, and a book, found myself a place to plop and read while she practiced. I zoned out into the land of Narnia, since that is what I am reading this week. The first thing the coach said was for them to sit in the mud and get it over with, because they were gonna get muddy and filthy. This coach is really awesome, he really pushed them, and builds them up at the same time. After practice we stopped at the 7-eleven and got milk and drinks. Got home by 8:15, put Brandon to bed and relaxed. I fell asleep pretty early, I guess I'm kinda whooped. The phone woke me up at 12:11 am. It was my mom, sobbing, crying, my grandmother had just died. She did not go peacefully, she went with much struggle and suffering. I'm sorry she had to go through all that, and sorry that my mom had to see all her pain. It sucks, but she's not suffering anymore.

Oh the mail!

On my way home from work everyday I pull up real close to the mailbox, roll down my window, and grab the mail. So that's what I did today. Yesterday was a good mail day, my dad sent me a little something in the mail, which will help with the electric bill. Today was a mixed bag, two mysterious envelopes, one from the pediatrician, and some other stuff I don't remember now. The two mysterious envelopes were from the US Treasury. Brandon had received his first disability check, and his check that back paid him to when I first applied. Very nice surprise. I didn't think he would receive anything for at least another month, he just got approved last Friday. The envelope from the pediatrician was another story, it was another test order. This time for an MRI of his eye orbits. Her notes said iris cysts, optical gioma and fibroids. No note explaining, nothing for me to call the office and schedule an appointment, no voice mail or messages on the home phone. The doctor didn't call me and tell me why he needed that test, or what, if anything came up on him last MRI. It did say iris cysts which mean's she has talked with the eye specialist we saw on Tuesday. So something is going on behind the scenes. Don't you think?

In other news;
1 I talked to my mom and my grandma is doing really poorly
2 Work was BUSY
3 We went to Rick's friend Franks house
4 Tomorrow is Kaylin's first soccer game
5 Tomorrow is Heather's house warming party

Wednesday and Thursday

Tuesday the baby sitter called and said her mother in law totalled her car and she wouldn't be able to watch Brandon for most of the week. Normally this would be fine, as my mother can usually help in a pinch. Well, my mother was in her own little world, her mother, my grandmother, who is terminally ill with cancer, is in the last stages of her life. So obviously my mom's mind was elsewhere. She booked a plane ticket to Tennessee for Thursday (today) and tied up as many loose ends as possible here in Florida. Even though she was going through all this emotional turmoil, she DID watch him Tuesday and Wednesday. I asked one of my best friends if she would be able to sit with him Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I told her I would pay her what I pay the babysitter, plus mileage. She told me should would think about it and let me know. I sent her a text message Wednesday asking her if she had thought about it.....no response. I sent her a text this afternoon, asking her if she way okay, she responded that she was fine, then I asked her if she could help with the kids today, she said no, the baby didn't sleep very well last night. So I was up the creek, again, and as usual, without a paddle. If you don't know me, I'll tell you this, Thursday's are the very worst, awfullest days for me to leave early. This Thursday was even worse, because one of the senior processors was out on vacation, which left me, the other senior processor, and our team leader with 4 other less seasoned processors. Out of desperation I called Bob, he's my step dad. He said he would do it! I was surprised, he's never watched the kids before. Once he picked up Kaylin from a girl scout field trip, but that was about the extent of his interaction with his grand kids. He loves them, and sometimes even likes them but today was a new thing for us, and I do have to say I think he enjoyed himself. Brandon was an angel, of course..... Once I got home and changed out of my monkey suit, we went to Walmart to pick up Brandon's new glasses. He looks totally awesome, smart, and I don't know if I'll ever be used to him in glasses! I also got their Halloween costumes and some other Walmart type stuff (groceries, deodorant, bubble bath, etc.).