lazy day

It was a lazy day today. I loafed around, folding laundry, napping, chatting on the phone. Ya, know, a lazy day. I got out of my pj's around 4 o'clock and took a shower. We made a nice dinner and relaxed with my kiddos watching Herbie. I enjoyed watching Lifetime movies about amnesia and love. The laundry got folded AND put away.

Thought thingy

In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not the man to whom the idea first occurs.
Sir Francis Darwin
1848-1925

my romantical date, or something like that..

We had respite come in Friday night. Rick and I were going on a "date". The first one in several months. I LOVE ABBA, really alot. Rick took me to see the musical Mamma Mia! down in Fort Myers a few years back, now the Mamma Mia! is in the movies, I was chomping at the bit to see it with Rick. Rick and I have NEVER been to the movies together, ever. I told him we had a date and we were going out to dinner and to see Mamma Mia! and he was excited to go. He came home from work and I asked him if he was excited and he was. He asked me if I could pay his mortgage (he has his own house, which he rents out and with his account I pay it). I said sure, then he said it was good I was his sugar momma, because after him paying the mortgage he was broke. Just for the record, he makes twice as much money as me and has half the bills I do. I asked him how if he was so broke, were we gonna go on a date? He said he thought I was paying. I explained to him that I only had eleven dollars in my account after paying my stuff. So instead of me taking a shower and getting all prettied up, we went fishing. Not one single bite, no one single fish. Instead of smelling freshly showered, and looking good, I was wearing a fishing shirt, snook hat, and shorts, smelling like bait and bug spray. Instead of a restaurant with fancy drinks and appetizers, we had cheese steaks. Of course I tried to make the best of it, but I was still disappointed. And to top off a romantical evening of mosquitoes buzzing, and Rick farting, I got my frickin period.

"quality time"

I made some sort of ridiculous attempt of spending some quality time with my kids. Rick went fishing with his brother for the night, so I thought a nice evening with my kids would be therapeutic for us all. I started with a gourmet meal at Burger King, followed by the play pit and milk shakes. After ten minutes they were hanging out with me at the table, and that we can do at home without the faint smell of urine and shrieking unmanageable children whose parents use Burger king play places as day care centers. So we went home, thinking we can snuggle on the couch with some popcorn and watch a movie together. Silly me. Silly, silly, naive, me. Dare I hope for such a pleasant evening? We piled on the couch and "it" began. He's touching me, she hates me, he's on my blanket, he's ruining my life, Kaylin's a stupid head, and so on and so forth. I think you get the picture. Kaylin wanted this, Brandon that, let's watch this, no I wanna watch that, I wanna sit by momma, no, I do. Then the tween that had once been my sweet little girl starts screaming how it's not fair and Brandon is ruining his life and she just wants a normal family and no one respects her. She storms off into her room with an attitude I'd just LOVE to smack off her face. Can you give an almost 11 year old Midol? That pretty much ended the evening. Brandon melted down at that point, which I can't blame him for. He went to his room since suddenly I had become a "bitch ass". I slumped off into my room, with the door open, to read and hoping everyone just needed to chill for a few. Kaylin came in maybe 7 minutes later. Announcing that I was rude for not telling her good night. I told her to sit so we can talk and I tried, I really tried to talk to her. But she just argued with me, I tried to listen, sympathize, settle the match. She wasn't having it. At that point I told her how it was. Straight to the point, holding nothing back. During my rant she got up and walked out. Brandon had fallen asleep already. I lay on my bed shaking my head and trying to figure out were my good intentions went. Kaylin skulked back in and sat on my bed pouting. I asked if she wanted to talk, and she didn't. I think she wanted to reach out to me, to let it all out-what she was holding in, and to apologize (can blame a girl for hoping). She hugged me and I held her and told her I loved her. I don't feel like it was good enough, I feel guilty, like I'm totally missing something with her. I don't know how to help her, without her giving just a little for me to work with. I know it's got to be hard for her dealing with a brother like Brandon. But at the same time, somethings gotta give. You have to be part of the big picture, be part of the change. I can't get her to see that it's my job to turn her into a some what productive member of society, and responsible, caring adult. Anyway, that was my night....

Well I didn't finish Mondays post

I didn't finish Mondays post, but that's okay, right? You were all sitting at your computers biting at your nails waiting for me to finish that one, weren't ya? I call tell by all your comments and replies. LOL. I know, I'm a goofy one. Yesterday, Tuesday, Brandon finally had his OT evaluation at The Florida Center. It went awesome. I learned alot and was amazed to see how Brandon reacted to being brushed, digging for marbles in popcorn, and relaxing on a swing. She recommended OT at school and private OT. We will see what insurance says about all that. We also had our team meeting last night. I do have to say it went really well. Carrie (behavioral support specialist), Cindy (therapist), mom, Amy, and Marcy (wrap facilitator for SAMSHA) were all there and it turned out to be pretty productive. Overall I feel today exceeded my expectations.

On another note, I've been reading my friends blog, the one who blogged negatively about me. I've been reading it every day and feel confused about how I should feel. She's going through alot right now with her husband and son and I want to call her, but I'm still hurt by the things she said about me and Brandon. Someone called about her husband a few weeks back for a job reference. I gave the asshole a good one, even though he hates me and my kids. Arghh! I don't know how to feel about that one. And by the way, he got the job!

Rick should be going fishing tonight with his brother Pat, so he won't be home tonight. A night with just me and the kids snuggling will be nice. Maybe they will even earn some marbles for being nice to each other!

Well, what do you think?

Weekend recap and stuff

Friday night I gave Kaylin a chance to do her chore. I gave her fair warning, and gave her consequences. No, she did not have to scrub floor boards, pressure wash the house, or re shingle the roof. She had to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I told her if they were not done when I woke up in the morning, I would take away her Nintendo DS. I guess she was testing me, ignoring me, hating me. When I woke up, I dilly dallied, read, made coffee, trying to give her a chance. Finally I did the dishes, walked into her room and took her DS. She did not notice it was missing until 2pm-ish. The confrontation wasn't as bad as I though, she quietly asked me where it was, and I told her she knew. She asked my when she would get it back, and I told her when she did her chores without being asked and the right way. Brandon was more horrified about the whole thing than Kaylin was. Kaylin will RARELY let him touch the thing, and he was he biggest advocate to get the thing back. After a leisurely afternoon of Lifetime movie watching, and laundry folding, we took the kids fishing. Brandon caught a catfish right away with his new fishing pole he got for his birthday, Kaylin caught a sting ray which she sang gloating songs about for the rest of the night. Brandon caught another catfish and so did I. They were ready to go home, but we still had shrimp left. They occupied them selves throwing cheetos to the rats and mice scurrying across the pier. Kaylin wanted to catch one and take it home. I told her no frickin way. I'm gonna finish this post later tonight.

Well....It's been awhile

It's been over a week since I've blogged. Which is fine, because no one reads this shit anyway. We had tropical storm Fay pay us a visit Tuesday. Monday I went to work and was trying to get everything done in case weather was too rough to come in on Tuesday, and what do you know, our companies server crashes. It finally came back up at 3 minutes to 6pm. Our accounting manager had 3 minutes to send the entire direct deposit file to the federal reserve. She somehow did, but sent the wrong one! Oopsie. Then we did wire transfers and live checks and blah, blah, blah and I left work at 8:30. Tuesday, assuming that a tropical storm was coming at 8 in the morning, I didn't bother to set my alarm the night before. 9:30 I was blissfully sleeping in and awoken by my cell phone blaring it's oh so familiar song and it was my boss asking me if I was on my way. I jumped up, washed my hair in the sink and flew off to work. Apparently all the payrolls we had done we gone from the server crash. We had to recreate all the payrolls that we had done on Monday. Wednesday and Thursday were a busy, stressful mess. And today is Friday. I don't want to do ANYTHING. I'm so over it and ready to go home.

On the weekend we had a great time. Kaylin and I met her step mom, Jess, up in Sarasota to go school clothes shopping. We had a really good time. Kaylin got some really cool clothes, we had lunch and headed back to North Port. Saturday night we went to Walmart to do bra, undie and sock shopping. Kaylin's first bra! She was horrified! Sunday I took the kids for haircuts. Monday was the first day of school. Kaylin liked her teacher, although he was I guy, she got over it. Brandon had the same teacher as last year, he got 101 points his first day. It was so good seeing them both so happy with their first days. Tuesday there was no school because of the storm. Wednesday and Thursday I was a very negligent parent, there was just nothing left of me! Rick cooked dinner all week and was awesome with the kids.

So that catches everything up. My tooth still hurts, the dentist wants me to go to a specialist. I said no. I already paid out a boat load of money, so let's wait and see what happens!

thought for the day

Don't get a frickin root canal.

Just Kidding..well mostly

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
--Abraham Lincoln
(1809-1865)

ROOT CANALS SUCK

Well, I have officially decided, based solely on my very own opinion that root canals frickin suck. I had my first one done on Tuesday and it really hurts, still. Motrin is not helping, and I'm hurting and it sucks. I am grateful that I have dental insurance and teeth. I am not grateful that I need two more root canals and at least half a dozen fillings. I think if I take one more dose of Motrin my liver will shut down.

blah blah blah

Monday I told Rick I wanted to have a baby by the time I was thirty. He looked at me like I had three heads. At the beginning of the year he told me he wanted to start trying to have a baby, and I was thrilled. I've always wanted at least 3 kids, 4 would be good too. We tried for a few months, when very casually he announced that he didn't want to have a baby right now, he had changed his mind. A few days later I asked him why. He said Brandon was too messed up to have another kid. He said I had to get the house switched over, finalize my divorce, and straighten out Brandon before we could start trying again. I was floored, I have thought
about another baby everyday for years now, every month secretly hoping that I was pregnant, and disappointed when I wasn't. When he said that I was crushed. Since that statement he has withdrawn himself and we aren't as close. I miss that, ALOT. I understood the divorce thing, who would want to have a baby with someone when they are married to someone else. That I get, I do have special circumstances surrounding my divorce which Rick understands. As for the house, I had to wait for the divorce to go through, and if anything were to happen I have power of attorney over my ex, so the house is kinda good. Brandon is in his new school now, we have a behavior support specialist, and a new therapist. I am divorced and saving money to have the house transferred (100% the house was awarded to me in the settlement). I did what he said. I don't think it was fair for him to place those demands on me, especially when they were out of my control.

An action packed weekend.

Saturday morning I woke everyone up. It was Brandon's birthday party. We had to clean the house. Really clean it, in 3 hours. Everyone was up and listening to me bark commands, Rick do this, Kaylin do that, Brandon stop screaming. It was a mess, that's how I get when we have company. Everything has to be done and everyone is it an extremely leisurely pace, except me who is in super clean mode. With all the activity Brandon shut down, he whined, cried and hid under blankets until be finally fell asleep. We got everything done, including pulling weeds in the rain, took showers, got dressed and made it out the door.

We had his party at Kid Star Park, it's a pretty cool place for a kid. They have an indoor giant ball pit thing, laser tag, go carts, and an outside amusement park. All the kids he invited showed up and they all had a great time. Brandon had one short meltdown, but otherwise it was a great success. This has been his first "real" birthday party. He's never had friends before so we have always had party's at home with family and family friends.

After Kid Star we had planned a Bar BQ, mostly for the adults, we invited our normal group of people. About 3/4's of the people we invited didn't show up, probably because of the rain. I think that was for the better, I was exhausted, and it was nice to just sit and visit with everyone instead of running around with my head cut off, chicken style.

There are tons of food, beer, jello shooters, the mess is cleaned up already. We were blessed with polite guests. They recycled their beer bottles and threw out their plates. All and all it was an awesome day and Brandon was pleased.

I did meet my sister boyfriend. I think he is an asshole and hope she realizes this sooner than later!

And the thought for today is;

Hope is a waking dream.
--Aristotle 384BC-322 BC

Thursday's thought and happenings

One generation plants the trees,
and another gets the shade.
--Chinese Proverb

Tonight Brandon was whiny, loud, and an annoying little stinker. And I swear I don't have PMS. Kaylin was an instigator and we were ruining her life. Brandon screamed and screamed and whined most of the night, with a few pleasant moments squished in there. I am so happy he has finally gone to bed! I was so frustrated and tired, I didn't want to deal with it. We increased his Lamictal, I thought it would help, but it hasn't yet, it's only been 3 days. Is he acting up because Kaylin is home? Is he anxious about school starting in a few weeks? Or is he just being a 7 year old stinker? I don't know right now. I've been really working on the evening routine. Carrie comes tomorrow and I want to show her that I've been making an effort with the schedule. As soon as I come home I start dinner, then we play a game for 30 minutes, then we take a bath and get ready for bed. It's really taking a toll on me, I hope that it gets easier after we have been doing it longer. I haven't gotten any house work done, the dishes are piled up in the sink, and I am completely exhausted! Tomorrow night we have to go to Walmart and get stuff for the Bar BQ. Saturday I have to clean the house for company before his party. I am SO freakin tired! I feel that there is no end in sight.

I am so bored

I am so bored. I'm sitting at work with only an hour left of my day. Usually Thursday's are my busiest, not this week! The economy sucks and it makes it harder for alot of the companies we do payroll for.

A great conversation

Yesterday Brandon and I we on the way home from the babysitters house and he started asking questions about how God made people. We talked about that for a short time, then he asked me if there was still cave men and if I was a cave woman. I told him, "no". He said, "God didn't make you yet?" And I told him, "no, not yet". He seemed satisfied with my answers about the cave men and women. We talked about how Kaylin was born first, and how he was born after her (a couple of years later). He then started telling me how cool it is that God made us all. I told him that we have to pray to God, when things are good too. To tell him thank you. He said he prayed for Miss Donna and that's why she's okay now. He asked me if he didn't pray would Miss Donna be dead. I told him that I didn't know, that it's always good to pray, but sometimes no matter how hard you pray, people you love die anyway. Sometimes it's their time to go to heaven. He then says to me, "mommy, don't you ever tell me that again or I'll cry. That was the most beautifulist thing I ever hurd." Sometimes I can't believe the things he says or does, sometimes I'm so frustrated that I think I'll scream. Then I hear him talking and really thinking about how things work and I can't help but think that things are sinking in.

Something to Ponder

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
--one of my clients..

Yesterday was Brandon's birthday, he turned 7. We had the family party last night. Tori came to the house and baked him cake and cooked spaghetti dinner. That way the cake would be cool when I came home and the kids could help decorate it. I made a line down the center and they each decorated half (everything has to be fair!). My mom and step dad came, Pat, Tori, Baby Patrick, Maureen, Tony, and two surprise guests Gene and Miss Helen. We had a delicious dinner and then Brandon opened his presents and after that we had cake. It was a very nice night. Brandon got new clothes for school, Wack a Mole, Trouble, an art set, an icee maker, a dinosaur book, a fishing pole, tackle box, and head light, and $43 in card cash, plus a check for $50! Kaylin was jealous of the money, she always seems bent out of shape any time Brandon gets attention. It's hard to be fair when she's got an attitude about everything. I try to talk to her about things and she gets stuck on how things aren't fair. They are fair thought! I wish she would see out of her own little window. I worry about how she will be as she rapidly approaches her teenage years. I hope she loses some of her bitterness and resentment. I was sincerely hoping that being at her dads for the summer would help with things at home. That maybe a little time away would help with her relationship with Brandon. I hope that she can see that he is working on things, that we are all working on things, trying to make it better for everyone. I really understand how she gets frustrated with Brandon, especially since she used to get the brunt of his physical aggression. His aggravated her allot, I think because he gets a reaction from her, a big one, and that's feed his behavior. She will tell him she hates him and he'll hit her, etc..etc...etc.... I often wonder how much is just sibling rivalry, or what is beyond that, if anything.

Weekend goings on

Saturday we picked up Kaylin in Sarasota. She's home now, I missed her so much. It was so quiet, she is always in constant song. We went yard saleing with Tori and found some good deals. Brandon had a whiny day, but over all it was good.

Today we are going to the beach and going fishing. I love fishing, it's so relaxing. After that we are going to stop by and see Donna. She's been really tired and having some pain.

The thought for today;

The truth is the kindest thing we can give folks in the end,
--Harriet Beecher Stowe 1811-1896

A great Friday!

Brandon had a great day! He went to Renee's house and played with Nathan. They went to the beach, and he was awesome all day. He's tired tonight! He will sleep like a baby, I hope.. Kaylin is coming home tomorrow, it's been hard with her gone for the summer. I know it was good for her to spend all that time with her dad and step mom. Rick ordered pizza :0) from Jets, I hope it gets here soon, cuz I'm starving. Carrie (behavior support specialist) came tonight and she was happy with the schedule, but wants us to work more on the night time schedule. Especially with school coming up quickly. It was hard last week with Donna being in the hospital, so I will work on it this week. I'm looking forward to a good hard sleep. Maybe tomorrow my blogging won't be so sucky.

Friday's thought a ma jig

Whatever is produced in haste goes hastily to waste.
Saadi (1184-1291)