blah blah blah

Monday I told Rick I wanted to have a baby by the time I was thirty. He looked at me like I had three heads. At the beginning of the year he told me he wanted to start trying to have a baby, and I was thrilled. I've always wanted at least 3 kids, 4 would be good too. We tried for a few months, when very casually he announced that he didn't want to have a baby right now, he had changed his mind. A few days later I asked him why. He said Brandon was too messed up to have another kid. He said I had to get the house switched over, finalize my divorce, and straighten out Brandon before we could start trying again. I was floored, I have thought
about another baby everyday for years now, every month secretly hoping that I was pregnant, and disappointed when I wasn't. When he said that I was crushed. Since that statement he has withdrawn himself and we aren't as close. I miss that, ALOT. I understood the divorce thing, who would want to have a baby with someone when they are married to someone else. That I get, I do have special circumstances surrounding my divorce which Rick understands. As for the house, I had to wait for the divorce to go through, and if anything were to happen I have power of attorney over my ex, so the house is kinda good. Brandon is in his new school now, we have a behavior support specialist, and a new therapist. I am divorced and saving money to have the house transferred (100% the house was awarded to me in the settlement). I did what he said. I don't think it was fair for him to place those demands on me, especially when they were out of my control.