Back to the drawing board

So here we are, back to the drawing board.  Brandon goes on Monday for a mental health assessment with a different provider.  I've mentioned before that I was unhappy with his current provider.  We have been unable to reach his current doctor regarding his Risperdal.  The pharmacy can't fill it without the doctor either changing the dosage to twice a day instead of three times a day (because the insurance company doesn't like him getting it three times) or the doctor need to call and file a dispute with the insurance company.  It has been three weeks and we still don't have any meds and no returned phone calls.  After the doctor telling Rick that he needs to start showing my 11 year old how to be a man, the toxic dose of Depakote he keeps trying to cram down my sons throat, and now this-I've had enough.

I find that every once in awhile I find renewed strength.  I guess I am at this point once again.  New therapist, new doctor, new false hope I suppose.  I will fight with all I have to make Brandon more functional.  I will fight and fight and fight.  Then I will get tired and kind of become complacent.  Just try to tune it out and pretend it's not there.  I am cautious about starting over with a new therapist and new doctor.  It seems like I spend the first few months convincing them that I am not a terrible parent.  New meds equal new side effects.  I just want them to listen, to really listen, and try to understand and try to help.  He is having audio and visual hallucinations again which is par for the course for bi polar psychosis as he is manic again.  And the beat goes on....

Rough Start to the morning

What a rough start this morning. Brandon woke up sweet as apple pie. He took his meds (Lamictal, Tenex, Risperdal), he took his supplements (Omega 3-6-9, and his multi). He told me I was the best mom in the world. We talked about the babysitter. We talked about his up coming birthday party, things were going just fine. I was starting to think he hated his babysitter just a little bit less. And then it happened......I put his clothes out for the day and asked him to please change into them. That was the end of our peaceful morning of sharing. The swearing started, the "I hate you!"'s came full force. Unknown to me, but quickly informed, I was trying to ruin his life. How dare I! How dare I make him change his clothes, especially when he was wearing his bathing suit going on the 4th day. I somehow made it out the door, leaving my angry, distraught, almost 7 year old screaming and swearing at the computer, which at that point of time was labeled "a piece of crap" (which he pronounces cwap). Poor Rick, it was his turn to deal with Brandon's wrath. Now I'm at working, obviously not working. The girl that called out yesterday (in my opinion she was lying) she at least showed up today. She is back to her I know everything/suck up status. Hopefully we will have a good rest of the day. I will wait for this phone to ring....