What really happened yesterday

Yesterday I went to the perinatologist at Maternal Fetal Medicine, since I am a high risk pregnancy. Rick and I drove to Cape Coral to meet with the doctor. I started off with the nurse who drilled me for my entire medical history, including which hospital I was born in. I then met with the ultrasound technician. That was the best part, we saw the baby and every part of his. We found out he was a boy, which I was very anxious to find out about. We saw him moving, waving, kicking, his kidneys and heart. Very cool. It made everything so much more real. Then we met with the doctor. That wasn't so cool. Because of my previous history with Kaylin and Brandon I have to be watched very closely. I have to have a renal ultrasound, a 24hr urine collection test, blood work, meet with a genetics specialist, and the baby needs an ultrasound of his heart next month. He made me feel like I did something wrong. I did this the right way. When I had my yearly with Dr. Khalidi I asked her if I could have more babies, I asked her if we could fix my bicornuate uterus, I asked her about the pre eclampsia, and the gestational diabetes. She said there was no reason to correct to uterus, since each baby I had was bigger, she said my uterus would stretch each time and it was no issue. She explained to me that the pre eclampsia had a chance of coming back, but the percentage was low. She did tell me I would get the gestational diabetes back. I thought that I was well informed going into this, and now I feel that I was mis informed, or maybe Khalidi should have sent me to another doctor like the one I am going to now. I asked her about this two years ago and was told to go for it, now I'm doubting myself (even though this was not a planned pregnancy) and I guess my confidence of a less than last time complicated, kinda normal pregnancy is out the window. Now I'm re living in my head my pregnancy with Brandon, and I think part of it has to do with me having a boy. I'm scared that he will be like Brandon in all ways. From conception to age 7 he has been difficult. There is only enough room in my heart and life for one Brandon. It doesn't help that Rick and I are fighting over boy names, I feel like I can't bond with the baby until he has a name so I can feel more connected to him. I am officially a mess....